Scentless Actions

I'm sure many of you who have a cell phone or (for reasons beyond my comprehension) a beeper, have heard of the ever so annoying "phantom vibrate". There is also the "phantom leg pain". Neither of which are related. What I would like to talk about is the little known and rarely discussed "phantom smell".

Recently, I mentioned that my youngest daughter Janiya had her tonsills removed. Well, it's been almost a week now, and I've started to reflect on the many instructions, and details the doctor shared with me regarding what to expect during recovery. OK, one of the things I was told to look forward to is bad breath. (Along with gagging, vomiting, bleeding, dehydration, whining, crying, lethargy, hunger pains, fever, sleeplessness, nausea etc.) I've got to be honest. Bad breath did not even register on my radar as something to be concerned about. I was wrong.

Apparently as a part of the healing process, two large scabs form on the back of the throat. Just as a Venice fly trap will emit a foul odor to attract prey, so it is with Janiya's post-op breath. Like most dads would say about their daughters, mine is the most beautiful. However, there is something "e-vile" lurking behind that smile. I guess the best way to describe it would be Fancy Feast meets "trash water". You know what I'm talking about. That brown colored liquid that comes from a trash bag that has been dragged one too many times on the driveway... I don't care what's in that bag, the trash water always smells the same.

Don't get me wrong. I love my little girl. But, these last few days have taken there toll. At first, I could only smell the breath when she was right in front of me. Now, I feel like I'm being pursued. Have you ever had that feeling that you're being watched? You get kind of nervous and constantly look over your shoulder. She loves to be at my side all the time. Lately though her presence lingers. I'll enter a room in the house and get the strange feeling I'm not alone. Is that Fancy Feast I smell? She's been here!

Just a few minutes ago I tucked my two girls into bed. I gave my six year old a little peck on the lips. Next I turned to Janiya who's 3. Pause...and gave her a kiss on the forehead. As I closed the door I could faintly here her call out "I want a kiss on the lips". I didn't go back in.

She knows!

Cat Woman and the Snuggie

This morning my wife and I had to take our youngest daughter to get her tonsills removed. While waiting in the lobby, I noticed this peculiar looking woman sitting a across from me. She had one of those walk behind carring cases that people might have to carry groceries home. Nothing unusual about it accept that it was covered in cats. Not litterally. It was the pattern that caught my eye. It gave me the impression that she had a deep apreciation for her feline friends that I could not fully appreciate. She undoubtedly frequents pet boutiques. You know what I mean. Those places that sell dog dish coasters and specialty cookies. The last time I wandered into one, my son who was 4 at the time about tore the place down when I told him I would not buy him a cookie. It was ironic though that people train their dogs not to do such things by giving them a cookie. Maybe I should have gotten him one. Surely he would have gotten the picture. Or Not. Anyway, this woman with the cat bag was wearing the legendary "Snuggie". It was a tan one though so as not to be obtrusive. I just never thought I would see someone wearing one in public. Maybe it gave her some sort of comfort that she might have been lacking without her cats. Or possibly the thought of un-covering to walk across the room to get a magazine was simply unbearable. Regardless, walk across the room is what she did. She went to the receptionist counter to ask for a drink and almost tripped several times along the way. Not only did she get acceptional service from the nurse who brought her a coke, she was able to do it from the comfort of her snuggie. So, with cat bag in tow, drink in hand, and snuggie to keep her warm, she was ready to take on whatever the world threw at her. I wish I had had a snuggie on when I rear ended the lady at the red light as I was leaving the surgery center. Cat woman has wisdom beyond mine. Now that I'm $149.00 out of pocket for the citation I can't even afford the Snuggie I so desperately need to make it through another day.